Gone.

I float through, and I stop. I am stuck, I am stagnant, I refuse to move, I refuse to be moved. Like a feather, I float once more, with all my weight, and all it's weightlessness, with complete freedom, in complete brilliance. How I wish that is what I had, complete freedom. From these expectationsthat weight me down, that hinder my flight. Days have passed, yet I remain, where I was, where I will be, till I am not.

I gaze out, I catch a hint of you. You are most beautiful, almost ugly. How I wish you wernt in such a hurry. What is it, friend? Why are you passing me by? Hold my hand? Let me crawl, let me step, let me run, let me fly, friend. We'll do it together, you and I?

In a paradise, that is where I am, but I can't do it alone. Not for long at least, I need you to be, to exist, in my existence. Here, where I am, this place, it's called paradise. The tide has it's high and it's lows, there is no stopping the force of time, it likes to fly. but, why must you take it's example? Do you not have a mind of your own? Think. And then, do. Have they taught you nothing? Stop. Look. Embrace. Friend, is it really that hard?

Stop. Look. Embrace. Stop. Stop. STOP. Stop. You are going too fast, I cant keep pace, not with you, not with me. There you go. Out of paradise, into a void, into circumstances, where to be, is a task, even by your standards. I was warned though, of your need to change.

It has been long now, It's getting cold out here, take me back? Life, you aren't mine for long, before you leave, take me.

It's always the darkest before dawn, and today the sun rises. And with its first rays, that kiss your eyes open, you rise with it. You match it for every step, yet, you are carefull enough to maintain your distance. It's warmth instills in you, a warmth. An unfamiliar warmth which was hidden by the harsh colds of reality that you have carried upon your shoulders. You feel it on the tip of your fingers and in the spaces between them. It feels you. No longer, are you hidden behind the stubborn clouds of a still day, no longer are you unfamiliar.

Youtake your first leap, you catch up with life, with its joys and its sorrows, with all that you have missed. You count every breath, every moment. You feel the rain and are carefull to not miss the rainbow.

Thesun, it walks behind you. It is the reason for you existence, it powers you, it fuels you, but you are greedy, you want more. And you have your way, until you dont. Has your memory failed you? Have you forgotten the darkness that blinded you?

And with that, your shadow fades. You have no more.

Tomorrow there will be light,
And it'll fall upon a thousand eyes.
Yet none so beautiful, and none so bright,
None will shine as you do tonight.

Under the blood of the moon and the stars,
Along the beat of the winds that pass,
You smile, and there is nothing else,
No moon, no wind, no stars, just you.

And there is nothing else, nothing more,
That i could possibly need,
When you wear that smile,
To see you happy, to see you smile,
To know I can help it stay awhile.

Your fragrance lingers on,
Your whispers ring in my ears,
Your gaze is fixed at mine,
These stars of your memories,
Twinkle in my eyes.

And it is then i believe,
When I know you are mine,
When my heart matches yours,
beat for beat, pause for pause,
I believe this it, this is our turn,
With the the light that tomorrow brings,
This is our turn to shine.

Today I can hear the leaves rustle, today the birds chirrup, there is a symphony, conducted by nature at its best, and today, there is commotion.I am lost, like an orphaned child, lost in the pandemonium of life, stuck in the web of hope.

Bashful laughter fills me, I am leaping around, I am beaming, I am glowing, today, I care not for the world, I care, only for her, for her who has filled me with this uncalled for happiness and for her who has provided this uncalled for sadness.

I find my myself being pulled down now, though I fight off these forces. I get back up, I get back up again, and again. Though now, I am tired, I have lost all strength, I am rendered useless, my body fails, I am powerless, I am defenseless, today, I am helpless.
 Insecurity catches hold of me, Its grip tightens with every passing day, It unlocks doors, and a sadness springs up. Rejection. Dejection. Betrayal. Envy. Distress. Emotions I was unaware of possessing, come knocking at once. I feel weak, unable to move still, I am hurt, and I give in. Today, I am helpless.

And then, I am elated, I am ecstatic, today, I am smiling. She takes hold of my hand and pulls me with all her might, and I break free, free from all things that were never me. Her smile instills in me a familiar warmth, her touch provides me an acquainted joy, her laughter infects me.

Today, I am happy. As for tomorrow, well, tomorrow is just another day, we'll see what comes my way. =)

My lips smile at random,
The hair ruffled sans thought,
A familiar laughter surrounds me,
Have I finally found,
For which I have, for so long sought?

Yes, all around me is still visible,
Though today, rays of radiance,
Of an asortment of colours,
All but blue,

Bestow on me a different perspective,
My optimism bears fruit,
For today, all these things and yet more,
Filter only all things blissful.

A contentment of sorts fills me,
For now, the hair is ruffled,
And the lips smile at random,
I awake, and am caught unaware,
In sessions of sweet silent thought.

because I'm a poet and I didnt even know it.

They speak of a light,
At the end of this never ending tunnel,
A light bright enough to comfort both me and you,
 Too bad we're blinded by its darkness,
 Unable, to make our way through.

You take hold of my hand,
 And we make our way into the unknown,
Make our way out in front,
 And then suddenly the wind that blows long and hard,
 Catches hold of you flies you across,
 Leaving me behind, with the wind,
That refuses to surpass.

 This is the wind of change they tell me,
 Yet I refuse to move,
 I liked the way things were before,
When it was just me and you.

 I throw my hands frantically, disturbing the wind that blows,
 You have taken enough! I say,
 Did you not hear?
 I liked the way things were before,
I liked it better when it was just me and you.

 Helpless, I throw my hands out into nothingness once more.
 This time, I try to grasp any of you that might remain,
I try to catch hold of the love between us,
Of the love that was slain.

 Stop it now you hungry beast!
 Why must you disturb this tree?
Go blow elsewhere, yeah?
 Go away now, at least.

 Finally, a sound reaches me,
 It comes from the wind that blows long and hard,
 It comes from the wind,
 From the wind that blew you across.

 Change is Inevitable, its voice deep yet sweet,
 All good things must come to an end!
 Nothing lasts forever, isn't that what they say?
 And with that it parts,
 Leaving once again, everything, stagnant still.

 It leaves me  with a note which read:
 This is not the end my friend,
 For the journey through that tunnel,
 It is now that it begins.

I got off at the metro station, climbed up the stairs, taking them two at a time and then, for the next 10 minutes waited for him to come. It was all going exactly as planned...

If you had asked my parents where i was on the 25th of November you would have gotten a rather proud 'He was at his friends house preparing for a competition' in reply. The truth, however, as it often was, was the diametric opposite to this. I, until recently had been taking full advantage of the trust abbu ammi had on me. However, as it often is, when you take something for granted, it disappears. Things were to change soon and it wasnt going to be at all pretty.

The sun shone bright, melting away any traces of guilt i had left within me, along with it. For the first time this winter, i could notice my breath in the air as i inhaled in. The usual hustle bustle of morning travelers surrounded me as i stood there, avoiding the thousand eyes that gazed at me.

After an agonizing 10 minutes, he arrived, dressed in a blue sweatshirt and dark blue denims, with a bag hung around his neck with his school uniform inside.

'Mene station pe change kar lia tha' he said as he greeted me with a handshake and an almost shameless smile.

The bell in the school nearby rung, signalling the the start of the school day. On an usual day, i would be sitting in class, with a newspaper in one hand and a sandwich in another. Today, i found myself,in a dark avenue, right behind the metro station, where we were hiding ourselves from Bluebellian eyes. We made our way to the next door market where we were to meet with 4 others.

After a few packets of chips, and a few boxes of something else, hairy potter with his jadoo, chole bathure for breakfast and a frankie each for lunch we made our way back home. On my return, I was bombarded with questions. My mom knew something was amiss.  Yet, she, having full faith in me, refused to show me any signs, and as she spoke, there wasnt even the slightest tone of suspicion.

'How was the movie?' She said, as she opened the door.

A smile appeared on her face as the one on mine disappeared.

'Mummy, i had gone to my friends to do a project and i might have to go tomorrow too!' I replied, keeping in mind the possibility of us going again tomorrow.

The rest of the day was rather uneventful. Most of it spent in the darkness of my room, leaving it only at times to go to the kitchen in the hunt for something to eat. I was extremely pleased with my achievements of the day! MY FIRST SCHOOL BUNK :D i thought. And if things went as was planned, the first of many to come.

Morning next, i was in my school uniform, sitting in my class, reading the paper. Half the day passed and not a word about the previous day was said. Everything was surprisingly normal! Like i had never been gone...

'I dont get it, if you wanted to have some clean fun, why couldn't you have gone after school?' She looked straight at me as she spoke and I, ashamed, look straight at the laminated floor. This was it, the hunter had caught his prey, i had run out of luck.

I looked up, searching for an answer but found myself going through her vast collection of books instead. A yellow paperback copy with Bob Dylan inscribed on it in bold black letters caught my eye. I opened my mouth and closed it again, unable to find the words to describe what i really felt.

Bhenchod chutiyagayi hein kya?  BHENCHOD ZYAADA BAKWAS MAT KAR! I thought as she went on..

'Yes tell me child? What was the need to bunk?' She sat in her leather chair signing papers and occasionally looked up at me as she spoke. Moments passed, I still hadnt said anything. This was clearly irritating her.

'I'm sorry maam, i didnt know what i was doing and i came under...'

'Peer pressure? Who's peer pressure did you come under?'

Kya bhenchod. Ek tho bol raha hun, aur bolne bhi nahi de rahi. Chutiyagayi hein aur saat mein saatya bhi gayi.

'Sorry maam, what i'm trying to say is i got carried away, it shouldnt have happened and i promise you it will never happen again. I made a mistake, sorry!'  I said, still staring at the Bob Dylan book half wanting to ask her if i could borrow it.

'I still dont get it though, why did you have to bunk?'

BHENCHOD.

'I'm sorry maam. i just wanted to experience bunking, i've done it now and i promise you it wont happen again.'

She was a bit taken aback by this. Still signing papers and dialing digits on her phone frantically she looked me in the eyes, here face still calm as ever, her hair, like it always does, resembling a birds nest held into place with over-sized sunglasses and her reading classed slowly climbing down her nose.


'Was this your first time?'

'Yes maam, it will never happen again, i'm sorry' I said, finally realizing the gravity  of the situation. This was my only chance to save myself from suspension and i wasn't going to let it fly by.

She looked at me again..

'Did you drink or do something you shouldnt have?'

'No maam, i swear i didnt do anything i shouldnt have, i went to watch harry potter with a few friends and went straight back home.'

There was silence and i knew better than to open my mouth again. She put the bunch of papers aside, put her pen down and shuffled around in her chair. What seemed like hours passed. Silence prevailed still. I recited a silent prayer to God above, knowing it was only he who could save me.

'Okay, I'm trusting you and i'm letting you off with a warning.' She was sitting back in her chair now, still in deep thought, which i decided to interrupt, making sure she didnt change her mind.

I broke into a smile. I wanted to jump, higher than I ever had, I wanted to go hug her and say thank you, I wanted to scream bhenchod, louder than i ever had before, I WANTED to do oh so many things. And yet, i managed a 'Thank you maam, i assure you it will never happen again!'

As i left the room, a Yeah, i hope it doesnt, followed me from behind.